Believe everything in this text and you'll be saved for eternity!

Okay so Plan B consists of trying to figure out a way to pass the drug test.
Possible solutions include the following:





I'm fucked.

As my quest for the much sought-after hi-fi begins, I am already noticing signs of what could be my downfall.
Let's rewind a few days, shall we?
I get in trouble multiple times as a result of possession of marijuana and also the late Guillermo. (He was taken by the pipe Nazis, also known as... Mom and Dad.
So. As if my horrendous grades from the previous grading period didn't dig me deep enough into the ditch of no social life, I suppose I had burrowed myself even further into the recesses of restriction.
After the lectures, the guilt trips, the contemplation of disownage, I went along with my merry business and, well, how should i phrase this... smoked my little heart out. It was every day before school, at lunch, and then at least one more time at home later. The lack of proper smoking paraphernalia took me back to the days of soda cans, apples, and if I was lucky, a joint rolled with a page out of the Bible. (I see no other use for it. Not that I didn't enjoy reading about all the fictional characters and their fictional bullshit...) But all that aside, I was slithering my way around getting caught; my parents knew I was smoking, they just had no way of proving anything. 'Cause I'm what we call... sly. A sly, sly fox.
A few weeks back I had asked for something very large, loud, old, and fuckin' awesome. It was my Grandfather's hi-fi. For those of you who have not yet learned about these wondrous things, I will explain. Think about a big rectangular ugly piece of furniture from about seventy yers ago. It looks like a desk-type thing at a first glance, but look closer and at the top surface of the magnificent wooden antique, and you will find a record player and one of the first radios ever played in the comfort of a home. And there you have a hi-fi. It's what your grandparents most likely listened to records with.
I, being a rather unhealthy fan of music, became obsessed. I would sit down in my Grandpa's old room just staring at it, watching the sound pour out. You would only understand if you could hear this bass...
Anyway, I want it. My Grandparents are dead and it sucks enough that we have to get rid of this beautiful house, but the fact that they're trying to sell this relic of rhythm is painful. IwantitIwantitIwantit. The sentimental value it holds for me doesn't help much either. I've shared such jubilation with very very special people... Sam, Jamie, Rachel, to name a few.
It all comes down to this: I ask for it, and my behavior as of late sways my father's decision to, "Hell no." After a few days of grievance, I gather my debate skills from the depths of my mind and sit down in the living room. My father puts the TV on mute. We have a five minute conversation about what I'm going to do with myself in the next month. My father has no opinion on the drugs or the hi-fi. His concern lies in my grades and my social life, or lack thereof. We make a deal. I bring home grades, C's or above in every single one of my classes and I get my privileges back, including the right to leave the house alone and go visit with schoolmates and coworkers.
I am still left with the problem of my mother's concern for my drug abuse and my own undying desire for the hi-fi. I approach my mother, ready to sacrifice. My mother lays it down straight and to the point: I stay clean for a month, I get the hi-fi. There's no room for lies, seeing as they will be drug testing me, and certainly no room for slip-ups; if i get caught once, there's no chance of me ever getting the hi-fi again.
So... I have sacrificed the pleasure I get from smoking pot, the satisfaction I get from barely getting by in school, and the space in my teeny-tiny soapbox of a room, all for this one special piece of the past.

I'm thinking about breaking my arm. Perhaps the disability to hold a pipe, cover the carb, and inhale will save me from my weak, weak willpower.

Four days down, Twenty-seven to go.

(Super fake preppy happy voice you will never hear me speak in unless you call into work:)

Hello, thank you for calling Plaza Camino Real Pat and Oscar's in the mall. This is Reyna, how may I help you?



Work is going great.
But I smell like breadsticks.



Like Make Me Gag!!!

Seriously... breadsticks... i've eaten my breadstick quota for probably double my lifetime. And house dressing. That too.


But really. Come and visit. I'll hook you up with these breadsticks you people worship so. Just go eat them somewhere else.

Yeah, so I got grounded for my grades. But, whatever. My parents know I'm going to keep doing the same thing. Or maybe they don't... maybe that's why they punish me for this every time. It's not like I mind being grounded at all. I have no time hang out anyway. I've been super busy with work and music and whatever else I do with my time. Rachel's over here all the time and being my best friend, it works out pretty well and I just get fucked up every day at school. So, I'm not really mad at anything besides the fact that I have to put up with them and even more so, the fact that they have to put up with me.

What's the point if it makes us both so upset?

So anyway, it's been pretty good. I'll update as much as I can. It's also nice to hear from everyone.

Rachel and Greg have been together 7 months today. I love them both soo much. I don't know what could have happened to me if I hadn't had them these past few months. I'm enjoying the fact that Rachel is not only like my best friend, but she's like a big sister. She takes care of me and we both love it. And Poo is alright too. I'm just kidding, I love Greg just as much. I hope they stay together for another 7 months and a million more 7 months after those. And we'll all move into a house with the stinky plants. I can't wait.
They're so in love, I could die. It's so beautiful, love I mean. It drives you crazy sometimes but oh man, it's a good feeling most of the time, if you look at the big picture.
My counselor told me not to keep all my eggs in one basket today. I told him that my eggs are very well spread apart in different baskets, thank you very much. He says it means if something happened to that basket, all my eggs would be gone. But if my eggs were spread out into separate baskets, if something happened to one o the baskets, I'd still have all my other eggs. Anyone want to make sense of that...?
I don't remember me before you.
I miss you,
But I don't miss me at all.

Why? I don't know. Maybe because I'm thinking too hard. I think I'm going to climb up on the roof and watch the sunrise. Maybe it will clear my head. I don't know if I'll be able to go the whole day without ditching. I'm bad about that.

I took a challenge from a friend.
No drugs or alcohol starting next Monday for a month. (Excluding Halloween.)
I'll prove to you that I have complete self control.
The worst thing that will happen is getting bored and overeating, like I don't already do that. Hmm.

I love how I'm still smiling... especially at a time like this.

2 Years isn't that long, it is?

I haven't posted in a while. There was a lot I could have said, because a lot went on in this past week. But I figure if someone really needed to know they could come to me. And they have. Thank you Eden, my love, for being so understanding. It's so hard to tell anyone anything now because I know they'll judge me. I really like where I'm at now, socially. I feel so secure. And I just wanted to say thank you.

On the other hand, I'm really worried about my dad. His brother just died. He got in a fight and got stabbed. None of us were ever really close to him; he was one of those acid casualties, y'know? He stole money from us and put us through all this shit, but my dad really doesn't need this right now. I love him so much now that he's stopped drinking. We're so much closer and I hope more than anything that he doesn't just resort to picking up a drink and making it all go away. I know it works miracles but I really love seeing him smile and I don't want to lose that. I'm just so worried for him. No one should lose both their parents and their brother within a few years. Besides, it's not like I haven't been contributing to his stress. I hate myself for that weekend,a nd all the times before I've made him frown. I can see myself in the lines in his forehead.

But I really am the luckiest girl in the world. Do you want to know why I'm smiling? Because I just got off the phone with the most amazing person ever and I know that there's no way I'm ever going to live without him. Because I love him. I really do and I've come to realize that I've never really known what that was until these last few months. It drives me crazy, but it's just so worth holding on for. But talking to him, even for just a little, makes me feel like I'm the luckiest girl in the world.

Today, I can honestly say that I was driven insane by boredom. I proved that I simply cannot be cooped up in this house for five days straight. It just does not work. So today, no one wanted to hang out so I just left. I walked up to the library, turned in my books, and went to Vinaka and hung out with Kyle for the rest of the day. I ate his oranges and walked home. Now I am about to be taken, against my will, to Oktoberfest, the yearly celebration of German alcohol and bratwursts. Thank you so much, Germany for bringing your culture to a little park in the barrio of Carlsbad. Really great way for me to spend my Saturday night. Once again. Thank you.

Tomorrow?
Buying fabric and sewing myself a few things.

I threw my phone at the wall again. I wonder if they have medication for that.

Still Sick. I'm done with the coughing and the sniffing and what not, but apparently this little virus has made my system it's home for a while.

School on Monday for sure.

I miss having someone's hand to hold on to. I wish I could re-make the typical relationship. I would just like to have someone who could be able to take breaks every once in a while, something really casual and un committed. Its not that I'm scared of commitment, its just that I'm scared of hurting people and its really hard for me to hold on to a relationship for a long period of consecutive time. I really like the feeling that I know someone else is thinking of me, but right now something casual and really easy would be great.
Right now, there's this thing with me and this older guy. But like I said, I'm really scared of hurting him so I hesitate to take this 'thing' any further than just a 'thing'.

I got bored the other day and cut my bangs. I like them. So do you.

But look at this, because its my favorite thing to look at these days:

Sweet Children

n. pl. SHEEP

1. Any of various usually horned ruminant mammals of the genus Ovis in the family Bovidae, especially the domesticated species O. aries, raised in many breeds for wool, edible flesh, or skin.
2. Leather made from the skin of one of these animals.
3.
1. A person regarded as timid, weak, or submissive.
2. One who is easily swayed or led.


ATTENTION SHEEP:

Sick, pissed off, uncreative, grumpy, and pissed off more.
At who? No one in particular. The question is, at what? At what certain website(s) am I especially angry at/with. You've got three guesses and two of them don't count.
1. Myspace
2. Myspace
3. MYSPACE.
Jesus, I hate it. I hate it so much. Why?... Let me count the ways...
1.)People posting slutty pictures.
2.)People copying, word for word, other people's 'about me', music, etc...
3.)"Haha books are gay I don't read."
4.)"myspace whore!"
5.)A big fat list of shit in the 'about me' thing telling you every little detail of their lives, obviously trying to be something THEY'RE NOT.
6.)
7.)As if you didn't get enough exposure on your own myspace, you post pictures of yourself with things like, "If you love me put this on your myspace!!!"
8.)Chain Mail
9.)People who actually re-post the chain mail, in fear of being suffocated by the evil chinese zombie on their celing at 3:47 am.
10.)"I've seen you on Myspace!"
11.)It's an encouragement to talk shit, gossip, etc...
12.)"She's/he's so much hotter on myspace..."
13.)Messages like, 'Hey you're hot, let's fuck. -John.' Yeah I'm going to fuck you 'cause you sent me a message on myspace.
14.)Breaking up, Hooking up, Fighting, etc. through myspace, as if AIM wasn't pathetic enough already.
15.)Shitty layout jobs where you have to scroll for twenty minutes to see the entire page.
16.)Comments in "font size=456793498" "I FUCKING LOVE YOU!!!!!"
17.)GODDAMN FUCKING COPYCATS. (yeah I said it twice.)
18.)"I absolutely HATE fake people." Yeah? Me too.
19.)"I love guys with long hair!!! I love surfers/skaters/jocks/water polo boizzzz!" Because they're All the same.....
20.)Actual quote from a myspace:"♥If people label me that's their problem, not mine♥
(2 lines down...)
♥I love little surfer boys and "athletes"♥
21.)Another one?
♥I don't BUY expensive shit like Chanel, Dior, Coach and all that jazz♥ (a few lines down...)
♥I guess you could say I wear Abercrombie a lot♥
22.)FUCKING HYPOCRITS.
23.)Begging for comments through bulletins. (pathetic, are we?)
24.)Asking for comments on AIM. (like I said...)
25.)While taking a picture, you think.. "I'm sooo puting this on myspace."

Alright, well I think 25 is all you need for now. But think about it. Basically, Myspace is a big web of fake people, trying to be something their not. It only shows that you're desperate for attention, and have absolutely nothing better to do with your time.

I had a myspace once, and I did fall victim to a few things on the above list. But most of those are what got me to delete it. Copying, immature, fake SHEEPS, little girls and boys trying to be appealing to people who'd never give them the time of day otherwise.

This isn't targeted at anyone. It's not supposed to make you mad, it's supposed to let you know why I think it's a dumb website. You don't care? Then go edit your layout and post some bulletins, sheep. Thanks for reading. If you have a problem feel free to take it up with me.

Me? A tourist? Oh dear... It's my cousins and I in Mexico watching my mom paint on the sidewalk... yeah.

Naivasha, awaiting her prince to sweep her off her feet.

Reyna, awaiting her delivery of heroin.

Greg took a sweet picture of a lime. In Mexico. And.. I liked it.

The fish is "ready to rumble", if you will.

Best picture EVER. The fish sits, with an oblivious smile, unaware of his incredibly close fate. Robert and I are armed and ready. My dad stands in the background.

Later that night... STRUNG OUT.
Cessy's on the balcony. (Not pictured: Cessy's thrown off the balcony.)

Me and the bestest best best Rachel ever!

Jam session in the living room of a house in a gerriactric community. Aaaalright.

The proccess of my 'Green Day Phase' changing from "At The Library" to "Deadbeat Holiday" You don't get it hahahahaha!

The Late twelve string. And me. Playing it.


Bohemian Jessica Simpson? Nope.

We found dirty undies in Goodwill! (They were like that when we got there, thank you very much.) No. Seriously, they were.

Cousins... Prom Dressess... Sluts.

That's a bit better.

I think tanlines are pretty. Bad posture is defenitely un-pretty.

We need Tylenol!!!

Look at how much energy it takes me to read COSMO.

Muslim status.

Haircut? Yes please.

Night prowling... night... Rocky Horror, Dennys, you know how we 'do'.


But Of Course not before we stop by Vons...!

I get to be a slut for a night! Admit it, you're jealous. (ha)

You think I'd be somewhere that's NOT my bathroom by now.

I go on a pilgrimage with Naivasha and Vanessa to Blink 182's old stomping grounds in a NIRVANA shirt! AND MY NAME DOESN'T HAVE THREE SYLABBLES! How unique.
So... There's a lot more Summer pictures which have not been developed, got lost, or things of that sort so perhaps I'll have them up later?
But now I'm back at school.. school.. You know what that means? More of this!


And I think that's all I've got for you as of now. I'm out. Gonna go sleep this sick off.

So I'm home sick with a totally icky cough and cold.
Missing school sucks when it's unintentional.
Except I get the house to myself.
To sleep, watch Chicago, sleep, write, sleep play guitar, you get it.
And everything I touch is immediately followed with a Clorox wipe. Its the OCD talking.
And the other day my mom was telling me the only reason I had a sore throat is because all the mucus from my stuffy nose is dripping down the entire sinus system. So now it's not the sore throat that's bothering me, it's the thought of WHY it's sore...

Super laid-back weekend. Very enjoyable and really pretty funny.

I had a dream that my dad could read my mind.
I have sympathy for him, if he really can.

Bored, bored, bored, bored.
Routine is getting me down.

Last night I gathered up all the bottled up school spirit inside of me and went to the football game. It was funtastic, if you will. It was good seeing everybody. We won both games. I enjoyed my night with Mike, Eden, Pam, Heather, Kendra, etc...
Afterwords I had to come home, but it was okay, 'cause I was pretty sleepy.
So overall, it was a really good night.

Happy birthday, Sam!

A song I've been toying with...

The room keeps on spinnin'
But I think I like it
Makes it so much easier to breathe

The world keeps on turnin'
But I've grown to like it
Doesn't take much to get me high

And I can't stop smilin'
But you say you like it
If you could only see it in yourself

October is days away and I'm still left with no idea as to what my Completely Badass Halloween Costume will be. And keep in mind I still have to MAKE the aforementioned Completely Badass Halloween Costume.
AND I still haven't given Mike his Magic sign birthday present. It's still sitting in my room. And his birthday was quite a few weeks ago.
I did stop procrastinating long enough to get my permit today. yes that's right. I took the test, missed seven, and still was given the privilege to drive The Night Rider and any other insured class C vehicle with a licened California driver of over 25. Oh the joy.
The Night Rider needs washing. And waxing. And it needs to go on its first mission. With a licened California driver of over 25. :-/
I wrote half of a pretty decent song today. And that always puts me in a better mood.
I LOVE how I start my sentences with conjunctions.

Lyrics becoming important to me: Winterlong -The Pixies

I know it's cliched but everyone's thinking it, so I'm gonna say it.
Wake me up when September ends.

Great party at Guisseppe's friday night. It made me feel good to be around people i know wanted me around. An overall great night, yet a little bit confusing.
Saturday was spent down by the harbor and a night up at my grandpa's house.
Today was a day for my system to catch up with me; preparing my state of mind for school.
I'm really having a good time in the past week. I talked to Sam and that made the entire week better. Most of my homework is getting done and I've only ditched once. Why? Cause I take a pill that makes me wanna do stuff.

I don't miss me at all.

list five songs that you are currently digging... it doesn't matter what genre they are from, whether they have words, or even if they aren't very good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying right now. Post these instructions, the artists, and the five songs in your live journal. Then tag (five) other people to see what they're listening to.

1. Pool Shark- Sublime
2. Sugar Mountain- Neil Young
3. Girl, You Have No Faith In Medicine- The Whitestripes
4. When The Levee Breaks- Led Zeppelin
5. This Book Is A Movie- Spoon

tag.. you're it.

So, school's alright so far.
I own my Spanish class.
And everything else is typical school.
Not so much homework so far.
Which is great.
But on the downside...
My "Phsycological Evaluation" resulted in getting two more prescriptions. And one of them is Prozac. Aaaaaagain. I really don't want to give up, and that's why I agreed to this. I just want to feel how I used to feel... Before I forget how it was and get used to the feelings I have now. But the thing is, anti-deppresants don't really help me. They make me think they do, but the things that get me down are still there. There's still that boy who lives 1500 miles away who doesn't deserve what he's going through, there's still friends that flat out lie to my face, there's still my parents, there's still the walk home every day, dreading walking through the door. I'm just the kind of person who needs a solution, not medication.

Pictures of summer coming soon.

I attempted to watch tv today. Got ten minutes through "Trailer Fabulous" and turned it off. It just reminded me how glad I am I didn't waste my Summer on television.

Last few weeks of summer payed off. Lots of partying, thinking, and lots of realizations and epiphanies. Which create who I am. So, I guess returning to school will let me know how much I've changed.

And now it's time for a last bonfire as the hours slip past me, approaching my Sophomore year.

Hope everyone had an excellent summer.

1) Biology 1, Munn
2) World History/Culture, Primer
3) Foundations of Geometry (haha), Mosier
4) Spanish 1, Blake (here we go again.)
5) Clothing 1, Goedert
6) English 2, New Teacher

So.. not too shabby. Blake should be interesting... again... And Clothing will be good. Lets see how this turns out.

Finished the driving classes, found out I wont have to be drug tested, more cousins have arrived. Lately I've just been really laid back and calm, after a fun week with Jamie. I've been thinking a lot about thing and working out kinks. My mind is pretty un-cluttered right now, which, for me, is highly unusual. It's nice to have a break from everything, to just collect yourself. But I think the Summer hype is starting up again, what with Dana and Lela being here now, another Mexico trip, camping, shopping, and plenty of partyinggggg. Matt's here for a few more days, then he's back to Iraq for another six months. For the "war". Not going into my politics shpeel right now. He pisses me off sometimes, but I love Matt and I'll miss him.


I live for the moment, I live for what I know, I'm scared of what I don't, But I know the one thing I need to know, and that's what keeps me living for the moment.